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The Kitchen Window Play

by Tina Clay

Paul is reading his paper at the breakfast table and his wife Karen is pouring his coffee. He has the paper up over his face.

Karen: Paul? There's a strange man looking in the kitchen window.
Paul: That's nice.

He reaches from behind the paper and takes some toast.

Karen: Honey, he's crawling in through the window.
Paul: Uh huh, it looks great. Looks very nice.

The strange man enters and hits karen repeated in the head with a pan until she falls to the floor.

Paul: Did my clothes come back from the cleaners dear?

The strange man takes Paul's toast and climbs back out the window. Paul reaches for another piece but the plate is empty.

Paul: More toast please. Dear? Toast?

The End

The Necklace Play

by Tina Clay

Cybil is sitting in a bubble bath with a plastic bag over her head and yellow rubber dish washing gloves on. She's relaxing and singing Moon River when her friend Sara bursts in a sun dress carrying a pillow case. Cybil continues to sing.

Sara: You steal! You steal! You steal! I'm so sick of you coming to my house and filling up your pockets with everything I own. I'm here to get everything you ever took back. There! That's my hairbrush!

Sara takes off her sundress and puts it in the pillow case.

Sara: You are going to die one day soon and I want to be there to see it! And that! That's my necklace!

Sara takes off her bra and puts it in the pillow case.

Sara: I thought you were my friend but you're just a petty thief. There's my clock radio.

Sara takes off her underware and puts them in the pillow case.

Sara: If I wasn't scared to go jail forever, I'd throw this radio into the tub with you and kill you right now! Do you hear me? Do you!

Cybil: I'm sorry. Would like some coffee?

Sara: Oooooo you're the best!

Sara sits down on the toilet and looks at her own leg as Cybil goes to get the coffee.

Sara: I think I'm getting a sore.

Cybil (from off stage): Calamime sweetie. Calamine.

The End

The Drier Play

by Tina Clay

Act I
A mother is pushing her young son on the swings.They are both wearing plastic garbage bags for clothes. A clown is sitting in the swing next to them whittling a stick with a large kitchen knife.

Son: Mommy, Jimmy's family gets to go to Sea World.
Mother: Well, I guess Jimmy's father isn't a drunk who sleeps with every women in town.
Son: And Jimmy's family has a dog named Arthur.
Mother: Well, I guess Jimmy's family didn't have to eat their dog when your father lost his job.
Son: Mommy, why does Jimmy get to go to school and I have to stay home?

She stops pushing him on the swing.

Mother: Because. You are severely retarded.
Son: No I'm not.
Mother: Yes you are. Now let's go home.

As the two are walking off.

Son: And why does Jimmy's mom have a washer and drier?
Mother: I don't know. I guess Jimmy's family's clothes won't melt if you put them in the drier

Act II
The clown stops whittling and sighes. A man wearing a gas mask and conamination suit sits in the swing next to him. Both sit in silence for a long time.

Man: So. You done with that stick?
Clown: I guess so. Here.
Man: Thanks.

The Clown starts walking off.

Clown: No buddy. Thank you.

Both laugh hyserically.

The End

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